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my mind my love my time my life the bloom. my past my past back to the future back to the future
you were right about the stars
each one is a setting sun
I’m not long for this breadline.
All the discourse discourse rocking
rocking my mind/possible world
just makes me
queasy, for sheazy.

I’m finding that there are
lots of lots of meanings of life
and they’re all equal to or
less than each other
in accuracies and inaccuracies.

I was sort of hoping for
some gleam of gleam
and maybe an answer or two;
maybe something to shine
me on my work’s life.

But what I’m finding
is the search for… uh.. truth
leads to
more questions.

Music: Alec K Redfearn & The Eyesores - Mole


the Bush Motorcade
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Yesterday, Bush came to Medina for a fundraiser. A large crowd of people accumulated in Medina park, many to protest, and some to welcome him. People from all over the political spectrum held signs and occasionally teased, insulted, or even yelled at each other. The most notable of which being the Christian cowboy armed with a bubble gun and a toy sword who yelled angrily and sometimes unintelligibly at the liberals. No one was really in danger though. There was a cop for every protestor, and about 30 journalists and photographers, bored for a decent story or picture. After Bush was about an hour later than expected, summereyes21 and I decided to go. We got a couple blocks away and rounded a corner just in time to hear sirens and see the oncoming motorcade. Of course, Bush took the back route to avoid the protests. There were only 4 or 5 protestors on this road; the few who expected the obvious decision to avoid the crowd. The motorcade was probably a mile long and consisted of hundreds of police officers and secret service agents. In addition, obvious hidden agents circled around the nearby blocks. I wonder whether the agents started dressing like the movies or the movies really just gave an accurate representation because the secret service looked exactly like a bunch of actors on a set in Hollywood.

So Bush spent yesterday in Washington and Oregon at invite-only fundraisers, accumulating millions of dollars and schmoozing with some of the wealthiest people in the world. Meanwhile in Oregon, Kerry held a rally that drew over 40,000 people, the biggest political rally Oregon has seen in over a decade. Kerry did not raise millions of dollars.

So where are they today? Bush is most likely hanging around with local billionaires. He’s been known to stay with Bill Gates when in town. And Kerry? Windsurfing at the Columbia River Gorge.

Music: elliot smith - i didn't understand

8 songs | sing
i counted on you;
but soon you ran out of
fingers, etc.

“I’d like to swim in
your blood.” She said in the pool;
but I heard her wrong.

I believe fractals
are maps of your eyes
(which make me not fool nor wise)

a squirrel is clicking in the ominous, black tree. No, it’s
1 song | sing
pale blood-orange is the moon and the street lights,
tall, they vagrantly hang like stars.
I nervously laugh how we laugh after big fights,
mildly pursuing tracks,
beguiled by the passing passion.

Simultaneously listening in our separate worlds
to the same singer singing the same sad songs,
tasting how his feelings unfurl
it tastes good to know you're alive
through someone else’s passing pain:

the only sort of pain we know.
And yet,
we separate our souls
with light-years of emptiness,
far, we vagrantly hang like stars.

Music: death cab - tiny vessels

Staring at his medicine cabinet, he saw the same hopeless bastard that everyone else probably saw. If he squinted hard at his pale tired reflection he could almost make out the healthy hopeful young man he had recently been. He remembered when his afternoon shadow made him look like Brad Pitt, instead of a lunatic. One final fluorescent light now flickered above him, where there had once been a row of three. The fluorescence on his skin made him look even more discolored than he really was.
It wasn’t so much the HIV that deteriorated him but the loss of friends. It wasn’t that people were scared of him. I mean, everyone’s taken health class. Everyone sits through the videos and the sorry speakers; everyone trying unsuccessfully to imagine what it would be like. So they all knew they wouldn’t get sick unless they shot up with him or fucked him. Or maybe the off chance that somehow a mosquito bites him and then quickly bites them a second later. Then maybe. Wouldn’t that be awful? But about as likely as Nader getting elected.
Everyone knew he wouldn’t get them sick. But that wasn’t it. Who wants a terminally ill friend? Who wants to build a relationship with someone they’re just going to lose soon anyway. So people told him… his former friends told him, “Why don’t you meet someone else with AIDS?”
But he knew he couldn’t bare that; watching someone degenerate beside him. A medicine cabinet reflection that followed him always. Or maybe, he was just afraid to make friends with someone who might go first.

So he just laughed his lunatic laugh at all the stupid people that somehow expected their friends to live forever. He stared at the wisdom that embroidered his bathroom mirror in sharpie: “The only happy people are crazy.”

Music: death cab - the photo album

1 song | sing
The website is up for my solo project, dead letter office. You can download a couple tracks including my song from salute to seniors.


I know it's probably the lamest URL you've ever seen but it will have to do for now. Unforunately, I can't hyperlink to it from livejournal for complicated reasons. You'll have to copy and paste that into your address bar.
5 songs | sing
I read an unanswered question that was stuck to your lips
the way lipstick sticks to your kiss.
You were wearing your 4-D glasses,
trying to see roads that hadn’t been built yet.
Squinting from the blinding sun,
too bright to illuminate anything.
You asked a tree and he shook his leaves
and stood tall and elegant as before.
You asked the sea and she tumbled her waves,
cool and mighty like the vanishing mountains.

What were you hoping for?
You might have built a tower
and climbed high eye
into the sky
so you could address a drifting cloud,
“Weightless cloud, you see all,
looming as you loom
over the loin of the earth.
Answer for me the question
lodged in all mortal throats.”
And he would swirl and turn black
and at last he would stab
a bolt of lightening strait
through your heart,
and say as all things say,
3 songs | sing
I think we all decide who we want to be at some point. Maybe we don't know it. Some people think they're destined for tragedy, but maybe they just chose the tragic hero. I think I've discovered the moment I set myself in motion.
I went to a concert when I was 10 or 12; the Verve Pipe, touring off of their debut album, Villains. You see, this was some of the first cool music I got into. I used to just listen to whatever. Whatever my brother listened to. Whatever my parents listened to. It was Bob Seiger and Real McCoy, until the summer of my first girlfriend. That was a summer when alternative rock dominated the charts. But it wasn't the girlfriend that got me the music. It was when she dumped me. I got the need. There was finally a place in me for music. A void I needed to fill.
I remember biking home and going through my brother's CD's. I knew I had heard some of it but I didn't know which band was which. So I browsed through and pulled stuff out. I was searching for my new found taste, I suppose. I found CAKE. I found Bush. I found Soundgarden. And shortly after, I discovered the Verve Pipe. They were the perfect model. Alternative. Post-Grunge. They were cool. They were green and blue. They were distorted album artwork.
So I ended up at this concert. The first real concert of my life. Not my parents' music but mine. I remember, most of all, the lead singer. Only, to me it really wasn't him at all. I was shocked to see pictures of him more recently that completely betrayed my memory. The person I really remembered was myself. The more I thought about it the more I realized that the picture in my head was me. Me as a 20 something. Me in the camouflage pants. Me belting into a cb radio. Me jumping passionately, violently. I was up there. I was famous. I was invincible, and indivisible, and inevitable.
So I think since then I've slowly become that vision. I brought myself to that show because I was ready to start becoming someone, an individual. Perhaps I'm already part way there. I'm not famous, but I am that man. My values, my preferences, my ideas about art. I think that's where it all started.
So we can blame our parents and we can blame our friends. You can point to your bullies or teachers. Your demons or your angels. But in the end, I think the decision is really our own.

Music: verve pipe - veneer

2 songs | sing
(my song for graduation)

I took a trip on a sinking ship.
Two silver coins, gave the captain a tip.
I told him I was waiting for a special friend
and he told me I’d be wading in the fiery end.

I took a nap the other day.
Then the audience clapped as I started to say
that it’s not worth give’n if we’re live’n alone.
Then the curtains opened up and my theory was blown.

I sold my heart to save my soul
‘cause I hear the world’s getting awful full.
‘Cause we’re all going somewhere and we’re going there soon
and before you reach the sun it will pop your balloon.

A friend told me to always beware
‘cause aspiration is a vice we bare.
He insisted that life is absurd,
“‘cause we’re all just dust in the wind”, he assured.

But how can you say where we’re going
If nothing is showing
When the lights go out,
How do you know what to think about?
And how can you tell me the meaning?
‘cause I’ve got a feeling
that everything we’ve known
will soon be shown

I danced with a girl who studied the stars.
She said they told everything from love to wars.
She hated to see people whine
since everything was planned since the beginning of time.

I knew a girl who said she found the truth
from reoccurring dreams she had in her youth.
She told me she could see it all without a doubt.
Then I forgot my manners and I started to shout:

How can you say where we’re going
if nothing is showing?
When the lights go out,
how do you know what to think about?
And how can you tell me the meaning?
‘cause I’ve got a feeling
that everything we’ve known
will soon be shown

I knew a guy who said he never considered it.
I asked him why and he called me an idiot.
“Your dreams will never do anything anyway.
Forget the future and make this your dying day.”

Soon enough, we’ll throw out hats in the sky
though none of us really know the reason why.
We’re just one step closer to the end of the show
and twelve steps further from the people we know.

How can you say where we’re going
if nothing is showing?
When the lights go out,
how do you know what to think about?
And how can you tell me the meaning?
‘cause I’ve got a feeling
that everything we’ve known
will soon be shown

An armchair philosopher drinking lattés
said, “Hope’s everywhere. She’s just hard to see these days.”
He saw Her face in the setting sun
And he hoped one day he could tell everyone.

A teacher once told me all he teaches is propriety.
School’s just a tool so we fit into society.
All the work we’ve done is vapor;
thirteen years for a piece of paper.

But all this time I’ve just been going through the motions,
so I’ll see you at the ocean
so I’ll see you at the ocean
All this time I’ve just been going through the motions,
so I’ll see you at the ocean
so I’ll see you at the ocean

How can you say where we’re going
if nothing is showing?
When the lights go out,
how do you know what to think about?
And how can you tell me the meaning?
‘cause I’ve got a feeling
that everything we’ve known
will soon be shown
8 songs | sing
I read something in scripture
it was a literary picture
of a man leading an army,
who knows how many men?
up to a fortified city.

Tall walls looking down on them
they just walked around
playing music for walls
and yelling about God.
That was pretty much the plan.

But what I’m wondering
is if my namesake is plundering
some collapsed city who
loved the wrong God,
who's the whore?

Music: The Shins - Chutes to Narrow

4 songs | sing
people are born everyday
and so are you, some might say
but I would have to argue
that we're oscillating between
here and nowhere
so my hope for you
is that we both come true
and we hop like scotch tape
binding together photocopies
as forever piling

so for now, I'll drink my coffee
and enjoy the eggs I
was born to inherit
while some of you sad sorry suckers
starve again
1 song | sing
origami leaves on her frozen sand,
her driveway, it couldn't have been planned
more cinematic
each breath dramatic

as she sucks on the paper air
in dry waves, her wide stare
her yard is a poem she can't write

she's flooded by waves
of TV, the substance she craves
she hears something Germanic
she's lost in the Atlantic

dog paddling and spitting out words she's heard,
elegant words, but she's a talking bird
like a lingual mirror, letters not light

she rubs her rubber eyes
releasing her tired sighs
thinks of something pedantic
she'd like to be the Titanic

and sink into her white bed
with sun-warmed clouds beneath her head
and wrapped around her arms and legs
2 songs | sing
I found a show where they'll make me beautiful.
I've always wanted to be a beauty queen,
like a magazine
they o
god my face
oh face o
god my
misade of

*sigh* I've been reading way too much e e cummings

I'm feeling: disgusted

10 songs | sing
lost at seaCollapse )

Music: sally - lost at sea

This banner ad was on the top of my hotmail this morning

Look at her stats on the right.

So, is anyone else a little disgusted by this? Maybe I'm overreacting but SHE'S FORTY-NINE POUNDS! wtf?
10 songs | sing
When I take off my makeup
Maybe I’ll wake up
And realize I’m the art, not the artist
What a shameful profession art is.
I’m taking off my shadows and highlights
and you’ll see me stand tall on the sidewalk
for my feathers to float free like fall leaves.
Without the paint, I’m no saint.
Without the romance there’s no chance
that you’ll see me for more than my true shape.
I’m really no more than an advanced ape.
to give
until she felt she had nothing more
rec room, dizzy from cheap vodka
She danced on a trampoline in someone's
to another town, if only she were good enough.
find a truck that would take her
and she wished that one day she could
that made her want to puke
and she was hungry and read fashion magazines
then she was 5'8" and she was swimming
or so she thought when she was a little girl
where her parents found her in the park one day,
She was born inside a nutshell
She always ended up in the orchard she started in.
breeze pulls the sound past us
and I pull the hair from your face
while kites flap their wings, he sings:

stars are large
and we are little
there's heaven and hell
and us in the middle

little stones from all over the earth
came to meet us on the beach
we'll shuffle through like we were kings

stars are small
and we are smaller
tuck those words
beneath your collar

canoers never see where they're going
they yank the oars with their backs to the wind
I envy their ignorant courage

stars are nothing
and neither are we
but ambition's expensive
and hope is free

Music: Sondre Lereche

2 songs | sing
I met you with a paper hat
and a thorny frown
both of which
you wore to distract yourself
from the red suns
in the night.

I saw you with a paper hat
and a thorny frown
that you asked me to wear
with you.
That, I couldn't bear
to do.

I offered you a red hat
and jelly fish balloon
that you spread on
your bed like homework,
something to do
always later.

I left you with a thorny hat
and a paper frown
those lips wondering when
they'd taste these lips;
sinking into an orange,
sweet citrus that stings like a jellyfish.

Music: Wilco - AM

There was a girl who
...Collapse )
planted a tree in the desert.

Music: modest mouse - good news for people who love bad news

9 songs | sing